that terrible "old" feeling

So, you know that feeling when something happens to you and you get hit with that pang of "age?"

Like being invited to 3 weddings and 2 bridal showers in one week?

I mean, one of the weddings my whole family was invited to,
but when your actual friends are getting married?
throwing bridal showers?
when you have a sleep over and 80% of the conversation is about what we'll be doing next summer for college?
and I'm still leaving notes for my family on the counter like this?

(That's the Kim Possible theme song if you didn't know.)

Today is one of those "old" days....

I'm WAY too little and immature to be going into senior year or thinking about college...

Growing up too fast- gotta make every moment count!

Neverland sounds like a great option right now.

Marley Kay
your dreamer

(hence all of the references to age in quotations...)

a Hero

I admit it.
I'm obsessed:
super heroes and fairytales.
Odd combo? Yeah, I know.

Ok, really I just love the idea of someone always there to save the day,
the idea of hope in this crazy world.

The thing is, they're all heroes to me... just in their own ways.

I mean, Captain America and Spider-Man, obviously super-heroes with their super-powers and their super-villains. They are the savers of the day! :)
Cinderella proved you can choose how you want your life to be, no matter the current circumstance.
Snow White chose to be happy and to sing and embrace life's hardships (like, you know, your parents dying and your step-mother trying to kill you 'cause your pretty).
Belle had patience to love the un-loveable.
Alice followed her dreams in order to discover what was really important.
You can't forget Prince Charming who always rides in in the nick of time to slay the beast. ;)
Rapunzel took a chance and had faith in something she never knew (instead of shoving him back out the window like she totally could have done).

They sound pretty brave, hu?

But heroes? They don't have to be dressed in a spandex suit, have a cape and a mask, or even a pretty dress.
I think that's what I like best about them. Heroes are everywhere.

Sometimes, they're dressed in the jeans they wore yesterday and that old tee shirt.
Sometimes they are dressed in that smoothie king uniform they haven't washed all week. (It happens, people.)
Sometimes they are the neighbor that comes to sit on the porch with you when you're having a bad day.
Sometimes they're that best friend who takes you to your favorite place for lunch and to get your nails done.
Sometimes they are the math buddies, who can always make you laugh, no matter how rotten the day may have been.
Sometimes it's the friend you've had for longer than you can remember that just texts you "your house, now." for a movie night.
Sometimes they show up again after 7 years and you just wonder "where have you freaking been?!"
Sometimes it's the lady down the street that always greets you with a warm hug and a smile.
Sometimes they send you little notes that say, "thanks for what you said, I appreciate it."
Sometimes they're that friend that drove you around everywhere when you didn't have your license yet.
Sometimes it's that one teacher that said that one thing in that one class.
Sometimes they're the friend who calls you twin and sits through loooong talks.
Sometimes it's the random kid who smiles at you in the hall way.
Sometimes it's the person who has always been there to support you and tell you how proud they are of you.


And sometimes, it's you.

So, why don't we all just choose to be heroes? Why don't we just choose to saves someone's day, even if it's just our own?

'Cause some days just need saving.


love always,

your dreamer
marley kay

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."

Christopher Reeve

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes."

Benjamin Disraeli

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up ... discovering we have the strength to stare it down."

Eleanor Roosevelt

I still believe in heroes and fairy tales.

P.S. I chose Option #3.

(If you don't know what that is, read last post.)
(Also, life got a lot better after watching the sunset from my truck, a bowl of icecream, and a Marley-bun. Just sayin'.)




and yes, it's 3 a.m. ... I can't sleep....

the Updated Updates

Today marks the 5th movie seen in theaters,
3rd boating trip I've sat out,
4th doctor I've seen,
3rd blog post on the matter,
and 29th day of broken-ness
(with 35-48 days left).

Well, I went to the doctor (again) this morning.
After waiting an hour and a half to see him,
(temple run and fruit ninja don't entertain for that long-mind you)
the doctor, my mother, and I looked over my x-rays again.
He said it looks like it broke in the same place-which is good.
He said the "calcified stuff" hadn't mineralized yet and it was still in the softer phase-which is good.

(Side note: When your collar bone heals basically what happens is your body sends a bunch of calcium at it. It then surrounds the break and "bridges" over. For lack of better words basically it's like molding play dough around a broken stick to hold it together. The calcium then forms a bump or knot as it heals. There are a few phases it goes through but basically it starts off soft--like mine was when it re-broke-- and then gets hard like the bone. After a few months the body sends some things at the "bump" to eat it away until it's as smooth as it can get naturally.)

He said surgery was an option but he'd avoid it if possible.
Because it is my second break there are some pros to surgery
but also some cons in the general idea of surgery.

Having surgery would mean trading the "bump" for a scar- which sounds like an attractive option to me (the bump is not that comfortable but that also may be because it's still healing).
But along with the scar comes some hardware in my body.
A metal plate and I think about 6 screws?
And sometimes they have to go in and remove those years later.

Still weighing my options at this point. There are three:
1. Surgery, metal plate, scar.
2. No surgery, let it heal on its own, deal with the bump.
3. No surgery now, let it heal on its own, deal with the bump for a couple years, then get it "shaved down" through surgery, have a scar, and a straight collarbone.

With both options 1 and 2 I'm still looking at about 4-6 more weeks recovery.
Option 3 is that and however long after the surgery... which would be less invasive than option 1.

Ok, so that's pretty much it for the doctor... We had some more questions after we left so we ran back in and had the nurse write them down for us and he called with the answers later.
Basically, if I chose option 1 surgery would likely be the week after next with 4-6 weeks recovery.
When the family goes to Lake Powell, I'm the photographer (no boarding or tubing for this girl!).
The bump is kind of sharp now but it should smooth out a little eventually.

The thing I'm most afraid for is going back in 6 weeks (the day school starts) and realizing we should've done surgery... or breaking it again, which wouldn't surprise me for some reason.

People keep calling and asking what the plan is but honestly, I have no idea yet.
Pretty much all the information I have is right here, and I still don't know what to do with it.
And I know it's vain but I think that stupid bump is going to drive me crazy... I just want it smooth like a normal teenage girl...
I wish it didn't bother me and I wish it didn't hurt anymore and I wish I could learn some new tricks on the wake board and go swimming and play outside and get dressed normally and put my hair in a "Marley bun" and I wish I didn't have to wear that stupid brace that makes me feel like a freak. I wish I didn’t. but i do.

I think it's safe to say that I'm scared now.
Scared of what my choice will be and the consequences that will follow.

Sorry this post was such a downer... trying to stay positive! Today was just a not-so-great-one.
But it's not over yet!

Still hoping. Still dreaming. Still wishing. Still deciding.

Marley Grace Kay
Your Dreamer

P.S. Any good movie suggestions?

P.P.S. Girls camp next week? Probs not happenin’.

the Updates.

Retired the old sling yesterday.

I got a new gadget.

 (Sorry, best picture I could get of it myself)

... I feel a little bit like a gorilla in it seen as I can't put my arms down, also, I wish it was attached to a jet pack or something- 'cause hey! That would be cool.

Ok, and just in case you really wanted to see my x-rays, here they are, just for you:

ok so here's the first on the day of the incident June 8th:

and the second one umm I can't remember when this one was.... maybe the 27th?:

and the last one from yesterday:

Now if you're anything like me you're probably thinking,
"Wait... I think she mixed up those pictures there... Shouldn't they be in opposite order?"
My reply to you is: Nope.
Yes, yes I did just spend four weeks of my six weeks recovering progressively getting worse.

If you just checked my blog to get the story, here it is:

Yesterday was the Fourth of July (let freedom ring, everyone!).
After the little neighborhood breakfast thing, I came home and got ready to go to my grandma's.
Coke and purse in hand I was walking down the stairs when....
a banana peel jumped out of nowhere and landed underneath my foot!
ok, I'm just kidding.
Really, I just slipped.

I landed on the opposite elbow and shoulder blade of my break and heard a lovely "POP."
(Not the most pleasant thing to hear, especially when you are "recovering")
I may or may not have screamed a little but I immediately started crying.
(And for those of you who don't know, I am a crier, but for some reason I don't cry in physical pain. Unless it's really bad. I mean really, when I practically shattered my wrist I shed one tear and it was in the moment when my dad said "You're fine, we don't need to take you to the ER," while we were sitting in the brush of the mountain side. Ok, well that side note took more of a tangent than I was hoping... Ok, end side note.)
My parents decided to take me to urgent care and I got the usual x-rays.
The Doctor showed me a nasty break (pictured above) and said, "We are going to set you up an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon."

Then we continued the tradition of JCW's.
(We have this tradition of going to JCW's after getting an x-ray. Sadly, we have that tradition.)

and that's pretty much it...

So, my appointment is tomorrow. And honestly, I’m not one bit scared.

More updates to come.

Forever broken and/or injured,

Your dreamer
Marley Grace Kay

time is ticking away.

Time is ticking away.
I watch it pass in front of me
and try to catch it
but
I can't.

Sometimes, time and I, we like to play games,
like tag for instence.
Mostly time runs away from me and I chase time
until my legs give out and my lungs burn.
Well really, that's usually how it goes.

There never seems to be enough time in a day.
Or is it just that we don't have the strength to chase it anymore?

Sometimes though, time and I pause and decide to go on a lesurly stroll together.
Time holds my hand and we just walk, perfectly in-sync.
Those are the times I like most.

'Cause for some reason,
when you slow from a run to a walk,
you see things better.
Everything is so much clearer.
All those blurs go away and you see things
real things.

You see color
and roses
and fresh ink on paper
and people, real people.

You smell the fresh laundry
and the grass that's just been cut,

and you see the smoke in the sky
and the fire on the hill side.

You look up at all those tiny stars above your head,
and you see beauty
and love
and hope.

You see strength
and passion
and conviction like you have never seen before.

Those are the times I like most.

But then time says, "I have a secret for you," with a devilish grin.
and time runs off giggling.
And i run after time.
And the world becomes a blur again.

Time is ticking away, folks.
Time is ticking.


 Marley Kay
(your dreamer)