Neverland

I miss it.
I miss Neverland.
I miss our Neverland.
Mostly because it was ours.

I keep finding new spots
But I interrupt my train of thought remembering that I can't say much about that anymore.

I miss our little escape where imagination could run free.
We got to play every part.
We got to reminisce all those old days.
We got to remember when all this Neverland business was socially acceptable for our age.

I feel like I've switched gears.
Instead of being whisked away in flight to Neverland, I've been drugged into a freakish sleep.
Cats vanish body part at a time, caterpillars smoke here, apparently it's always tea time, and everybody is mad. Oh, and don't mess with the queen or she'll have your head... Literally.

It's just a new experience for me.
And I guess they were right when they said she decided what she didn't want to be by process of elimination.

But it is so very lonely here.
And it's all so dreadfully confusing.
Even after all I accomplished and all the courage it took to do it,
All I wanted was to return.

I never meant for it to be like this.
And I really hate that it is...
I feel like part of me is missing.
It's so frustrating in this place,
All I want is to climb back up that rabbit hole or find the looking glass.... But I'm sort of lost here.

Well... I'm trapped. And I can't get out. And I'm scared and frustrated and I keep trying to give up and just cry but for some reason I won't let myself.
Because I have to finish this what-ever-this-is before I can come back.
And I didn't want to admit it but I need you. Because you're kind of the only thing that has kept me from going mad lately.

Sometimes I still look up at that second star to the right and wonder if you're looking there too.
It hurts me to think that you might not be, so I just pretend you are, even if you aren't.
Not to boast, but I think I'm really good at that. I can believe in anything I want to. I know that may not make sense to you but that's because it's all pretend. I can pretend all I want. But when real things come along that are just as good as all my pretendings, it freaks me out a little. I can't be sure if its all true or really real because its all I ever dreamt of.

My heart was aching to return and so I tried to go there yesterday- Neverland I mean- but I couldn't. It seems something has gone missing... But then I remembered giving it to you. So it all makes sense.

You'll always have a special place in this broken heart of mine, you know. It's called Neverland. And I hope you'll come pay a visit sometime.



your dreamer

Marley Kay

  

that terrible "old" feeling

So, you know that feeling when something happens to you and you get hit with that pang of "age?"

Like being invited to 3 weddings and 2 bridal showers in one week?

I mean, one of the weddings my whole family was invited to,
but when your actual friends are getting married?
throwing bridal showers?
when you have a sleep over and 80% of the conversation is about what we'll be doing next summer for college?
and I'm still leaving notes for my family on the counter like this?

(That's the Kim Possible theme song if you didn't know.)

Today is one of those "old" days....

I'm WAY too little and immature to be going into senior year or thinking about college...

Growing up too fast- gotta make every moment count!

Neverland sounds like a great option right now.

Marley Kay
your dreamer

(hence all of the references to age in quotations...)