the Updated Updates

Today marks the 5th movie seen in theaters,
3rd boating trip I've sat out,
4th doctor I've seen,
3rd blog post on the matter,
and 29th day of broken-ness
(with 35-48 days left).

Well, I went to the doctor (again) this morning.
After waiting an hour and a half to see him,
(temple run and fruit ninja don't entertain for that long-mind you)
the doctor, my mother, and I looked over my x-rays again.
He said it looks like it broke in the same place-which is good.
He said the "calcified stuff" hadn't mineralized yet and it was still in the softer phase-which is good.

(Side note: When your collar bone heals basically what happens is your body sends a bunch of calcium at it. It then surrounds the break and "bridges" over. For lack of better words basically it's like molding play dough around a broken stick to hold it together. The calcium then forms a bump or knot as it heals. There are a few phases it goes through but basically it starts off soft--like mine was when it re-broke-- and then gets hard like the bone. After a few months the body sends some things at the "bump" to eat it away until it's as smooth as it can get naturally.)

He said surgery was an option but he'd avoid it if possible.
Because it is my second break there are some pros to surgery
but also some cons in the general idea of surgery.

Having surgery would mean trading the "bump" for a scar- which sounds like an attractive option to me (the bump is not that comfortable but that also may be because it's still healing).
But along with the scar comes some hardware in my body.
A metal plate and I think about 6 screws?
And sometimes they have to go in and remove those years later.

Still weighing my options at this point. There are three:
1. Surgery, metal plate, scar.
2. No surgery, let it heal on its own, deal with the bump.
3. No surgery now, let it heal on its own, deal with the bump for a couple years, then get it "shaved down" through surgery, have a scar, and a straight collarbone.

With both options 1 and 2 I'm still looking at about 4-6 more weeks recovery.
Option 3 is that and however long after the surgery... which would be less invasive than option 1.

Ok, so that's pretty much it for the doctor... We had some more questions after we left so we ran back in and had the nurse write them down for us and he called with the answers later.
Basically, if I chose option 1 surgery would likely be the week after next with 4-6 weeks recovery.
When the family goes to Lake Powell, I'm the photographer (no boarding or tubing for this girl!).
The bump is kind of sharp now but it should smooth out a little eventually.

The thing I'm most afraid for is going back in 6 weeks (the day school starts) and realizing we should've done surgery... or breaking it again, which wouldn't surprise me for some reason.

People keep calling and asking what the plan is but honestly, I have no idea yet.
Pretty much all the information I have is right here, and I still don't know what to do with it.
And I know it's vain but I think that stupid bump is going to drive me crazy... I just want it smooth like a normal teenage girl...
I wish it didn't bother me and I wish it didn't hurt anymore and I wish I could learn some new tricks on the wake board and go swimming and play outside and get dressed normally and put my hair in a "Marley bun" and I wish I didn't have to wear that stupid brace that makes me feel like a freak. I wish I didn’t. but i do.

I think it's safe to say that I'm scared now.
Scared of what my choice will be and the consequences that will follow.

Sorry this post was such a downer... trying to stay positive! Today was just a not-so-great-one.
But it's not over yet!

Still hoping. Still dreaming. Still wishing. Still deciding.

Marley Grace Kay
Your Dreamer

P.S. Any good movie suggestions?

P.P.S. Girls camp next week? Probs not happenin’.