Apologies and a Review

My sincere apologies for all of the posts I haven't posted in the last month.

Here's the thing. I hate to focus on all of my broken-ness, but sometimes it makes me do things more than walking down the office supply isle and counting snowflakes. Sometimes it makes me do things like shut everybody out and turn off the radio in my truck for two weeks and unplug my iPod and stop writing because it all just hurt too bad.

But I'm back. Here I am! Still alive, still breathing, still nervous, still anxious, still me. But just a little bit different. 'Cause that's kinda what happens.

Forgive me, I've lost my words... And in the past month I've really learned what that means. I've realized that I'm very articulate as a person. I've never thought of myself as a writer, but I think it holds a little piece of me... I've discovered that I thrive on words. I need them. I rely on them. And without them I am not myself. An interesting discovery, but one, nonetheless.

Enough about broken-ness, onto the point of this post:

2012.
Gee, what a year. A year that has brought so much heart ache and so much joy. A year that brought surprises, and strength , and anxiety, and peace like I've never felt.

I learned so much. I learned to tread carefully over some subjects. I learned that just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you have to love them again. I learned that some things are just hard, and to really hold on to the things that aren't. I learned to appreciate the tears for what they're worth when they come. I learned that "goodbye" is a really ugly word and I hate to ever use it. I learned that true friends really do stick around through thick and thin. I learned that there are always two sides to every story. And that sometimes more than one person is right. I was reminded that people sometimes change. And sometimes they don't. I learned that "it'll all come out in the wash." (Whether it's that nasty old stain or the lost 20 dollar bill.)(Thank you, Dorothy, for pounding that one into my mom's head. Really.) I learned that I actually have a purpose-- in everything and everyday. I learned that God is God and that I am Marley. And that I love to prove people wrong about what they think I'm capable of, and so does He. And He has a very great sense of humor.

2012 gave so much to me. January brought Warmth in the cold. February brought Endurance, March was Forgiveness and April, Dreams. May brought Light and June brought Loneliness. July was Healing and Triumph while August was Doubt. September brought "Goodbye"s and the Heartache to go with it. October brought Adventure and Chances, November came with it's usual Change and Magic. And December... Well, December brought Broken-ness. But over all, 2012 brought me Strength to Carry On. Who knew I was that strong? I didn't!

Now it's time to bid it all farewell. Not to say goodbye of course, because that is an ugly word and I refuse to use it. Goodbye feels more permanent, like I'll never see it again. Turns out, I need all those things. All those pieces of this year that created more and more of me. Farewell 2012, you will always stay with me, but now is time to move on and start a fresh.

2013, you hold so much in store. More heartache and loneliness and trial, I'm sure. But also new adventure, new experience, new peace. Singin' in the Rain, graduation, New York, moving out, adulthood, going to college, some new friends, and always the old friends, and of course the same wonderful family.

I'm not sure what's coming or where I'll end up, but I'm ready. I'm ready not just to arrive there, but to travel there. I'm ready to enjoy it.

So here I come, World. Little old me, who is way more capable than she thought she was. Watch out, 'cause here I come.


Marley Kay
your dreamer.